Saying that you’re sorry about how your spouse feels doesn’t do that. Apologizing is meant to be a taking of responsibility for your actions. They’re not upset about something you did, this phrase is saying, they’re just upset and it’s inconveniencing you. This is a total non-apology that absolves you of any responsibility and shifts the blame back on to your spouse. Here, then, are a few sample phrases that invalidate your partner and should be avoided. Whatever the root cause, this is something to be conscious of and judiciously avoided. That they are attempting to replace one emotion with another one that they deem to be more correct. In fact, many times, one partner will invalidate the other’s feelings thinking that what they are doing is helpful. A lot of times, one might ignore or write off their partner’s feelings without realizing it. In the worst-case scenarios, it can devolve into situations that can be humiliating and degrading (“Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”). This emotional invalidation can happen in a quick, almost casual manner (“That’s ridiculous.”) or in passive-aggressively telling a partner how they should react before you even speak (“Don’t freak out, but…”). Conversely, denying a partner’s feelings and trivializing their opinions can quickly sabotage a marriage. This, after all, lets people know that they are not being ignored or casually disregarded. Letting your spouse know that their thoughts and feelings are heard and acknowledged is one of the most important elements of a happy relationship.
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